Of Summertime and Underpants

My wonderful sister recently had a birthday. This year, it just happened to fall on Father’s Day.

We were chatting on the phone about her plans for the big day. 58 is pretty momentous, and yes, she told me I could say her age. When I asked how she was going to celebrate, she said they were going out to eat in Watertown, probably do some shopping, and she wanted to buy new underwear.

Happy Birthday, Nancy. I laughed even harder when she said it was OK, because she was buying Terry underwear for Father’s Day, too.

We Partlows are not underwear profligates. We don’t blow our disposable income on impractical panties. You know the kind. You’d have to wear a matching bra, slide your feet into maribou-trimmed mules and pranced about all day in a diaphanous robe to wear this panties. They’ve got buttons and baubles, stiff lace, grommets, brads, sequins, bows, buttons and appliqued butterflies. You couldn’t wear them comfortably under a flowing skirt, much less a pair of jeans or something you could go to work in.

But this talk of underwear meant I had to share my secret theory with my sister. I was shopping in Ross (favorite store) for underwear one day. I like Ross because you can buy single pairs of different styles, try something new without breaking the bank. (Boy shorts: who the hell thought those up?) Anyway, I accidentally bought a pair that was one size too big.

They are The. Best. Underwear. Ever.

Here’s why. You have a stressful day ahead, you slip these on, you know they aren’t going to bunch, bind or fail. They won’t cut off circulation to your legs or give you a cosmic wedgie. They stay where they’re supposed to and comfort you, like the blanket you had as a child.

It’s like having a secret weapon under your clothes. Comfortable underwear makes you fearless! Invincible! Able to do one more round of squats at aerobics, able to squeeze one more errand into your day, able to make peace between rival warlords, or maybe even between your children.

Don’t go crazy with this idea. You don’t want circus clown underwear, something you can pull up to your chin or safely use as a parachute. Nothing that you have to fear will drop to the ground if you’re wearing a skirt. Just something with a little breathing room.

So the next time you’re underwear shopping, consider buying just a single pair one size larger than you normally wear. Who knows what you could accomplish?

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Of Summertime and Underpants

  1. Sue

    I have to admit, “grannie pants” are so comfortable. Life is stressful enough without adding uncomfortable or “complicated” underwear. Pulling out the fancy ones for a romantic evening is fine, but keep it simple = keep your day simple.

  2. Nancy

    Hey Sis…..
    They make bras and panties that match? Where have I been…..I didn’t realize our panty conversation would be so funny and such a big hit……you are such a talented writer…..you could fill a book with these short quips…….

    Oh, just a quick note, I received a 30% off coupon from Kohl’s and that means I’m going there to buy my new panties……love those sales….

    Love you……Nancy

  3. Amy

    As someone who has shopped for everything from tinted moisturizer to paper plates with MB, I have to say she’s a lot more adventuresome about new underwear styles than she is breakfast cereal. Big issues there… you just know I’m baiting her to deliver her diatribe on cereals that lose structural integrity in milk before she gets to the bottom of the bowl. 🙂

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